Searching

Poetry and other random thoughts from a wandering mind and a searching heart!


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I Hurt


Today I hurt
I will probably hurt every day for the rest of my life
You said you were my friend…forever
and now you are not
I hurt

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Inside the monster


 

She rants, she raves…her anger is fierce

She hides, she pulls away.

Those who would help, she pushes aside.

Because she cannot show the heart inside.

The heart so fragile, so tender and true

Battered and broken and misunderstood

She longs for connection, for people who stay

She wants to be heard and valued and desired

The wounds have been many, the challenges hard

Her heart broken too many times.

So vulnerable and scared

Alone with her thoughts

Alone with her tears

She acts out, her weaknesses clear

She fights for clarity

Yearns to understand

While the voices in her head only condemn

Weary of the battle

And needing protection

She becomes a monster

Paranoid and irrational

Fighting to survive

In a world that seems cruel

She sits and weeps

Trying to protect the heart too easily broken


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Together we built a barn..


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Together we built a barn…..

Barn raising, as defined by Wikipedia; “A barn raising, also historically called a “raising bee” or “rearing” in the U.K., describes a collective action of a community, in which a barn for one of the members is built or rebuilt collectively by members of the community.”
This week I got to participate in a fund raising event to help with opening a new charter school for special needs children. With charter in hand, building secured and an opening date of August 25, the school was moving along with great enthusiasm toward the start date. As enthusiasm and momentum was at a high, they were informed they had a month, until July 31 to raise $100,000.00. Without that money in the bank, the school would not be allowed to open. Wow. A steep hill to climb. With the paper work that would allow them to solicit…

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NOT a good Friday


Posted last year but wanted to share again today! He is always the reason for hope!

Searching

I stand Today is the day that Christians celebrate “Good Friday”.  All over the world our eyes are turned upward and our hearts tuned into a period of time that changed the world forever.  But on that day so long ago, this was not a “good” Friday.  What had begun as a triumphal entry and a shared meal with those closest to him, had turned into arrest, betrayal, torture and death.  Those that loved him would not have seen anything good about this day.  The sky turned dark, hearts were broken, hopes were shattered and dreams died as the one who had come to bring light and goodness and healing died on a cross.  No, it was not a good Friday.  They did not have the gift of time, distance and history to show them what we know and so for them it was a time of darkness, despair, confusion, grief and discouragement. …

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Need


Silence surrounds me and I seek His face.

Falling before Him

So in need of His grace.

Echoes of guilt and sorrow and shame

Whisper over and over again my name.

Sorry weighs heavy

And grief runs deep.

I must hear Him before I sleep.

I must hear the voice

Of the one who will not fail.

I must seek refuge in

Sharing each detail.

Seeking forgiveness I must confess

The depth of my wrong and my unrighteousness.

Then, the silence will become a balm.

And I will fall asleep in His reassuring arms.


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The friend who stays….


I needed you

But I would not say the words that would draw you near

Instead I built walls, walls so tall

And I tried to drive you away

I rejected your attempts to draw me out

I sat silent, alone and afraid

I wanted you to go away

I feared that if I let you in

You’d see my hurt, my shame, my sin

It was easier to push you away

Than to risk the chance you would not stay

All bound up behind my walls

Sinking downward

In a free fall

Blinded by lies and unspeakable pain

Darkness ensuing

Nothing to gain…

Finding no hope

At the end of the rope

Lost inside the walls I created

Walls built to keep me safe

But suddenly I looked to see

You sitting there, right beside me

Undaunted by my sturdy walls

You listened to my silent call

And led by love

You came along side

And assured me you were there to stay

You refused to let me push you away

And I found myself grateful you’d stayed

That you heard the words I could not say

Encouraged by your persistent love

I find the strength to try again.


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Invisible


I looked around but I could not see anybody looking back at me

So I raised my voice to make a sound but it reached the rafters and bounced back down

People around me everywhere but it was as if I wasn’t there

I wandered through the crowds, heard their laughter ring

Conversations flowed and hugs did abound

I just kept wandering around

I saw them but did they see me?

Or am I as invisible to them as it feels to me?