Searching

Poetry and other random thoughts from a wandering mind and a searching heart!


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Someone Prayed for Me


When God answers prayers I did not pray
Someone prayed for me
When the despair I cannot seem to escape
Suddenly disappears
Someone prayed for me
When everything is dark and I cannot find my way
Then the light shines bright and the darkness goes away
Someone prayed for me
When I think there’s no hope and I’m about to give up
And peace creeps in like a welcome friend
Someone prayed for me
When the pain is so deep and never goes away
But I find joy in my unstructured day
Someone prayed for me
When I have lost my ability to speak with my God
The words won’t come and the desire is gone
And I find myself smiling, the dark clouds gone
Someone prayed for me.

Too many times in my life I have found myself without words to pray, bogged down in darkness that seemed it would never go away. Then one day I would realize the fog had lifted, my motivation had returned and I felt peace again. The change comes so gradually that I am unaware that it has happened. There comes a moment of revelation when I know that God has brought about a change in my mind, my heart, my soul…and I know it is answers to prayers I did not pray. It is then I know that someone or maybe several someone’s have prayed for me. Whoever you are, wherever you are, my profound thanks for those prayers. Our God is amazing and those moments when he reveals to me that He has done what I could not imagine always make me smile with delight.

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It is time to break down the walls that divide us and embrace the things that unite us.


I just got back from seeing “God is not Dead 2”.  I love going to these spiritually based movies because they make me think deeply about spiritual concepts.  Today’s movie reminds me that we are at war, a war against the forces of evil that are way more real than we like to think about or talk about. I think the time is soon coming, if not already upon us when we will be called upon to defend our faith, when our faith will be challenged in ways we have yet to imagine, a time when we will be persecuted, called names, and perhaps be confined for our beliefs. 

Having faith, being a Christian becomes less popular by the day and there is a movement to wipe it out.  While we as Christians know how the story ends and that there is not a chance that God will not maintain a remnant of His people as long as the earth survives, we are already seeing people in foreign countries dying for their faith.  I believe the time is now for those of us who claim the name of Christ to unite together, for us to break down the barriers, the walls that divide us and embrace the things that unite us.  It is time to drop labels, to stop idolizing the particular brand of Christianity we adhere to or the buildings where we gather to worship.  We must be the church, God’s church.  God’s church includes all of those who have understood their need for him, have recognized their own sin and repented of it and who have committed their lives to following Jesus.  It is not confined by titles, buildings, denominations or styles.   

It is time for us to show the world Jesus.  He says that the world will know we are Christians by the way we love each other.   If we are going to be prepared to fight the forces of evil and stand firm in our faith we must figure out how to unite in love.   We must stop fighting each other, we must hold each other accountable to live in righteousness, we must be kind to each other, help each other, offer grace to those who stumble and we must walk in humility.   We must settle our disputes, we must practice reconciliation and forgiveness.  We must learn to love as Jesus loved and commanded us to love each other.

The movie also made me realize how much I hunger for deep, spiritual community, for people to talk with about truth, the challenges of walking in faith….people who will help me to be accountable and who are willing to be held accountable, for a safe place to explore the world around us and the loving response to it.  

If you have not seen the movie check it out.   And if it challenges you or causes you to think, let me know what you take away from it.

 Ephesians 6:12  New International Reader’s Version (NIRV)

Our fight is not against human beings. It is against the rulers, the authorities and the powers of this dark world. It is against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly world.


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When joy and sorrow collide.


I don’t’ remember another time in my life when extreme joy and profound sadness occupied my heart and soul simultaneously with such intensity.  I have known my share of grief in life.  My first experience with the death of someone I cared about came in my teens.  As the years have passed and I have lost other people in my life to death, I find that grief seems to multiply and that each new reason to grieve seems to resurrect all the others.

This time my grief is because I lost a friend, someone very dear to me. But death did not claim this friend.  The relationship ended for the reason many relationships end, the evil one, Satan, found a way to use his lies to destroy what was once a loving, caring, fun friendship. Because we were not only friends, but sisters in Christ, I believed this one would last forever.  The friendship had survived so many ups and downs across better than a decade and a half.  The pain I feel has no words I know how to express and my heart is broken. Right now it feels like it will hurt forever.

At the same time I approach a new freedom, a dream come true, a totally new adventure.  I will retire at the end of this year and I am filled with such joy, such peace, such hope.  I count down the days and as the time gets closer my excitement grows.  I find myself giddy over the prospect of no longer having to work.

If all of that were not enough I am experiencing God’s transforming power in ways that are filling me with awe.  I feel God’s presence and power working in me, guiding, providing.  I truly believe that my best years are yet to come.  I know that he has a purpose and a plan for my life and I wait with great anticipation to discover what it is.

There are moments when my heart is filled with joy and wonder.  In those moments I cannot keep from smiling and my eyes shine bright with the excitement I feel.  There are other moments when my heart is heavy with grief and sorrow.  At those times I cannot keep the tears from falling and it feels like my heart will never be able to withstand the depth of this pain.  But what has left me in awe of this God, this creator of mine, is that there are moments when my heart holds both in equal measure, when I feel both the depth of sorrow and the height of joy and I cannot figure out whether to laugh or cry. I do not understand how that can happen but it leaves me in awe of the one who created me.  I know that both of those emotions are real.  I know that he catches every tear I cry.  I know that he already knows what the future holds and I know He is in control.

So I embrace the pain as I embrace the joy. I give thanks for all He is doing in my world and I face the future with hope. For the first time in my life the past is not a chain and the future looks bright. But I still miss my friend.

joy and sorrow


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Change


It has been a year of loss and pain and sadness
It has been a time that left me broken and beaten and alone
I have slept and cried and tried to escape
I am changed
And it is time for change
I do not know what that means yet
Just that I cannot continue as I have before
Everything is different
My days feel more numbered
And I do not wish to pretend
To accept that which I do not want
To not live making a difference
It is time for change
God calls me to be still
To listen
To wait
It is time for change….